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Blood Orange - “Time Will Tell”
Time will tell if you can figure this and work it out.
No one’s waiting for you anyway, don’t be stressed out.
Even if it’s something that you’ve had your eye on,
It is what it is.
So great live. He dances just like that. This song really speaks to my life. I like that it’s an amalgamation of his other songs.
Beyonce - “Best Thing I Never Had”
There was a time
I thought, that you did everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy I must’ve been out of my mind
So when I think of the time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I, I saw the real you
I’m the best thing you never had. I have keep saying that to myself.
I don’t deal well with people who don’t like me. It’s something I’ve had to deal with my whole life, even when I have no sense of why that person doesn’t like me. It throws me off because I don’t try to be unlikeable. Usually, it’s girls who say they hate me because they think I’m trying to get them into trouble, they liked me, or they think I’m full of myself. When people say it to my face, it’s hard to take. When it’s on Facebook, on the phone, or done anonymously, I take it as spiteful cowardice.
My fights with my dad are definitely the worst. He and I are similar in that we keep to ourselves and let our emotions boil over. I hate and fear his temper. The problem is that he has high expectations of me, so when I refuse his advice or talk back, he starts yelling like a wild animal, saying I’m weak and stupid. His words wouldn’t hurt so much if it didn’t go straight to my inner child. I don’t think the rift between us will ever fill. Though I still go home and he’s better about it, I’m always on guard.
Take that, National Geographic
I like to lay down on a couch and curl up my body, not quite in the fetal position but pretty close to it. I put my hands between my knees to warm them. I try to put my head on a pillow so that my neck doesn’t hurt when I get up. Sometimes, I’ll be under a blanket, which is really a trap because then I hate getting up for anything. As long as I am on a flat surface, I’m pretty comfortable.
Sometimes, I’ll drink tea, which I find addictive when I have the chance to indulge in it. I can drink so much of it to the point my pee is like pure water. On cold days, I like having a warm core and water, which is cheap and widely available, can do the trick. It was my grandma’s habit to have a cup of hot water in her mug, which she would cover with foil so that it doesn’t cool. Right now, I like earl grey and chai.
In general, I like bundling up more than dressing down. I hate heat, which I’ve written about before. Cold can be numbing and it might take the fun out of going outside freely without thinking, but it’s seasonal. There’s so much more to wear and look good in when layers are an option.
Utada Hikaru - “Final Distance”
I wanna be with you now
We can start over
I wanna be with you now
We should stay together
やっぱり I need to be with you
I want to meet my ideal self one day and realize it isn’t actually me. I’ve never felt so far from what I want.
I always try to go outside. I like the feeling of warm sunlight and a changing sky within reasonable weather. I feel like I’m part of a larger reality where I can focus on things that are ever-changing. I can surrender some of my feelings to the world in hopes that it’ll enrich me. I also want to make sure I get my Vitamin D dose for the day.
I admit that I’m vulnerable to seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Growing up in Socal, I prefer dreary, wet weather to sunny days because there are so few of them. I hate the idea of a world that is unchanging and indifferent and for me, nothing embodies that more than a sunny day when you’re feeling like the worst.