keeptryan

Qualities

Novelty
Gratitude
Creativity
Freshness
Ambiance
Stoicism
Reflection
Innovation
Rhythm
Polish
Growth
Technique
Energy
Compassion
Inspiration
Generosity
Forgiveness
Order
Purpose
Autonomy

2 days ago

0 notes

Cultivation

Grow up. Grow out. Grow deep.

3 days ago

2 notes

As most of you probably have gathered from my Instagrams, I’ve been creating terrariums and cultivating succulents. It’s a strange new hobby that I’ve started in my new apartment after I bought a succulent. Now, I have at least 10 or 12 plants to manage now, which is crazy to think about.

For me, it’s a hobby that comes full circle. My grandfather, after WWII, was a professional gardener like most Nisei and my grandmother grew up as a farmer near Yakima, Washington. My dad learned how to garden from my grandfather and spends a lot of time maintaining our yard at home. My grandfather on my mom’s side also has a large vegetable plot at his house in Staten Island that he often eats from.

As a kid, I was always fascinated with life. I like watching animals because they live such different lives, display intelligence and are resourceful. The human body also grabs me with its intricate anatomy and specific design. In the same way, plants live at a different time scale than humans, measured in seasons and stillness. Even though they aren’t animate, they are still alive.

I see my plants as miniaturized worlds that I can cultivate, that I can place myself and watch. It doesn’t terribly matter to me what kind of plants they are. Weeds are just plants that are growing where they aren’t wanted. Oftentimes, I just pick up cuttings that people have thrown aside or ignored. It’s all about context. Lightbulbs and corks are just one of many possibilities. After all, it doesn’t take that much for life to emerge; just attention.

1 month ago

2 notes

Drifter

There are days when I feel like I’m on the surface of things, like a swimmer in a pool. As I look down, I recognize the patterns of streets, sidewalks and plans. I’ve walked on that concrete. My clothes are still caked with the dirt. And yet, I’m at a distance.

In that sense, my life at times feels observant. I watch movies. I sit and play something on a screen. I read things that I haven’t written. I attempt to replicate data. I listen. I take pictures. But, I feel a lack of control over those sensory experiences. My data comes out wrong. My mood changes with a chord. I squint. I react to what is shown before me.

This sense of self is a twist for me. Before, I was obsessed with finding the meaning of things. I thought that perspective made me different. I wanted to read between the lines but only ended up adding my own interpretations like a tessellation. Now, I appreciate the textures but I will not rip off the upholstery, or else risk destroying it.

People live off aesthetics, especially young adults. They consume things that look nice. We live off of numbers, results, fashions, manners, sex appeal and packages. At times, I envy people who can devote themselves to such things, career wise or hobby wise. I participate in it and cultivate my life aesthetic.

Yet, I keep reminding myself I’m flesh and blood. There are parts of me that are not meant to be seen, yet they work unobserved. There may not be any truth under the surface, but there’s something more interesting: process, like gears in a clock.

2 months ago

5 notes

Karma

I grew up with an objective sense of right and wrong, that the laws that govern morality are external of myself and that divine powers would punish me for sins. In that sense, I also believed that if I were to do something wrong, I would be punished by God. In a way, it’s like a twisted view of karma from a Buddhist perspective: that actions, good or bad, will affect you in this life or the next one.

Whenever bad things happen to me, I sometimes think that it must have been because I wronged someone in some way. The worst the act, the longer it takes to redeem. On the other hand, on days like today, I wonder if the other karma is at work: because I did something right, the law of the Universe dictates that something bad should happen to me.

Being between both perspectives, it’s like I should be good all of the time, no matter what the result. Then again, I can always just say that shit happens. And it does all the time, sometimes without you realizing or noticing it. After all, karma is a somewhat self-centered way of looking at the world.

4 months ago

4 notes

Music is my Ritalin.

4 months ago

7 notes

Go back to where you came from

I was walking past the hospital when I heard this black couple talking in some foreign language, presumably from Africa. It made me think that while African Americans have/are certainly been disenfranchised, questions about their citizenship are not raised as much nowadays as Asian, Latin, or Arab Americans. Telling a black person to back to Africa usually makes as much sense as telling a white person to go back to England.

Still it made me think about what it means to be Yonsei and 2nd gen Filipino American. Why the quandary about where I am supposed to go/be? How much of the old world matters in the new world? It seems strange in the scheme of things and the struggles of others.